


Stolen Kisses

by Rroselavy



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-29
Updated: 2010-11-29
Packaged: 2017-10-13 10:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/136496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rroselavy/pseuds/Rroselavy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sanzo learns about <i>the kiss</i>, it forces him to confront his own feelings for Goku.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stolen Kisses

It was Gojyo who’d told him about the girl, and, as much as Sanzo had wanted to believe he’d spat out the story to be vindictive -- to punish him for leaving him to nurse both Goku and Hakkai back to health -- he knew better.

There hadn’t been a hint of smugness in Gojyo’s voice. It had been slurry, yes. And he’d stood unsteadily in front of Sanzo, bobbing to and fro while doing his best impression of an older brother as he delivered the news. Later, Sanzo would realize that Gojyo had deliberately gotten liquored up beforehand; it wasn’t called liquid courage for no reason.

He should have been grateful to Gojyo for telling him, but the scenario he’d painted only gave Sanzo a sick pit in his stomach, even as it explained much of Goku’s recent behavior, especially the way his eyes would slide away from Sanzo’s gaze and his shoulders would hunch forward, almost protectively, under Sanzo’s hard glare. And Sanzo hadn’t been immune to the distance that had grown between them, nor could he continue to lie to himself and tell himself that he didn’t miss Goku’s voice nattering on and on in his head. He didn’t like how lonely its absence made him feel, either.

Long after Gojyo left, Sanzo remained at the bar steadily sipping drink after drink. Beer proved useless in washing away the lurid images of the kiss that played in his mind, so he switched to some local rotgut that was passed off as whiskey. It would probably give him a wicked hangover, but anything would be better than the numbness that had settled over him.

He wanted to be angry with the girl for stealing Goku’s first kiss, but it hadn’t been rightfully his to begin with. He’d deliberately kept Goku at arm’s length ( _muichi motsu_ ), because someday Sanzo knew he would leave him forever and he couldn’t bear the thought of how much pain that would cause Goku. Nor did he want to think about what Goku’s fate would be once he stopped breathing. What Sanzo did know was he’d turn Heaven upside down if he had to in order to secure Goku’s freedom.

He wanted to hate the girl for breaking Goku’s heart, but she was dead. He wondered idly what she would have done for Goku the night he'd been shot, if she would have panicked and left him to bleed out.

 _It was what he wanted._ Sanzo had told himself that over and over; it had been a mantra the first few days he’d spent traveling with the Bishop Grouse and his bodyguard. But it had brought up long-buried emotions; he’d felt as hopeless and helpless holding Goku’s body that night as he had, years before, cradling his master’s.

He’d hated himself all over again for his fatal weakness.

It would have been easier if Goku’d hated him, too, but the monkey -- _his_ monkey -- had never been one to take the easy road. His steadfast silence on the matter proved him wiser than anyone thought him capable of.

Sanzo supposed there was a teaching point or a lesson for him to learn in the travesty of events that had unraveled him, but his mind was no longer clear. He pushed his empty glass away, stood unsteadily and left a generous amount of bills on the bar, then tottered off toward the room he was sharing with Goku.

He was greeted by snores.

Goku had fallen asleep with the light on, a comic book carelessly draped over his stomach. Sanzo stared at him as he undressed, his eyes skimming over the unguarded expression on Goku’s face before focusing on his slightly parted lips. He wondered if hers had been soft when she’d pressed them against Goku's. He wondered if Goku had kissed her back.

He moved closer, reaching for the light to turn it off. And then, without thinking, Sanzo leaned forward and brushed his lips over Goku’s. They were warm and supple against his and he was tempted to do more. Then the snoring stopped momentarily. He recoiled quickly, freezing, his hand still extended in mid-air reaching toward the lamp. For a few tense seconds he inwardly panicked, wildly searching for excuses for his action. Goku’s snoring resumed then and Sanzo switched off the light, his heart still hammering in his chest.

He could have sworn he saw Goku smile in the split second before the room went dark.


End file.
